The NEW Adventures of Barbie and Jenna Bush
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Hey everyone. You know, this world is really in a fix, wouldn't you agree? But, some people are willing to help us Americans get out, and have fun! Fun? During these hard times? That's right! And who better to do it than America's favorite twins?
The Adventures of
Barbara and
Jenna Bush


Everyone is always asking us: Hey Barbara and Jenna! What's it like being the Coolest President's daughters?
Well...what do you think it's like?
We're here to tell you guys about how we, the Bush daughters, live and stuff. It's SOOO cool, first of all. Life in the White House is like totally AMAZING!
So, like, I guess we got a lot of mail from everyone asking us what they can do to like, feel better? Because they say America is in all kinds of CRAZINESS!!!! Well, we're here to tell you guys how to DEAL.
America the Brave
Okay. We live in this really awesome country where everyone is free to do whatever they want. So like, what is the big DEAL here? Our dad is always worried because these people called "liberals" are trying to hurt our country with things like gay marriage and protecting animals--which is cool--but then like we forget about human rights. And that's the most important. DUH!!!
So, a lot of people ask us: Jenna and Barbara, what do YOU do about liberals?
Well, we don't really know much about politics. That's Dad's business. Do YOU know everything about YOUR dad's business? We're just all about DEALING and going to the MALL when we can. Which is like, I guess weird because we're all big and famous so a lot of people know us. But we still LOVE it. Jenna wants a dog, too. She gets lonely sometimes at night.
But anyway, so people ask us about the military thing going on right now too, which is SO important to our freedom. Dad says that Saddam's empire is crumbling which is AWESOME because he hurt a lot of people and killed them and tortured them. And here in America, we just don't DO that sort of thing. And NO ONE should! So what's the problem? Why are so many people like ANGRY at our dad and America for going to get rid of him? BEATS ME!!!!
Well...we should all support our brave troops out there anyway. And we're like really getting to know all about the BEST hero out of that war who will TOTALLY be remembered for being a hero, Jessica Lynch. We hope she's doing well. We send her lots of HUGS!!!!
In closing, America is a great country to live in. If you don't like it, you should just ask yourself: why am I here still? If I hate it here, hate freedom, and like sympathize with freedom-haters, why am I living in a country that LOVES freedom and LOVES everyone!?
Jeez, get a CLUE!!! 

Moving on...
How to have FUN during these times
Well, we already mentioned going to the mall. We like fashion a LOT. And we also like hanging out with friends. Now, when you're hanging out with friends, there are a few things that you should KNOW before going out.
Number One:
TALK TO YOUR PARENTS. Tell them everything!! OmiGOD we wish we could have like told Mom and Dad about our drinking problems because they could have helped us sooner. Hey, even WE'RE not perfect. So GET WITH IT! Talk to your parents, DUH!!!! If you want to hang out with your friends, that's cool; but tell your parents where you will be, when you're getting home, and if there's drinking and drugs, TELL them. Because you might not get to go out. It's totally LAME but it's COOL too because your parents know what's BEST.

Number Two:
DON'T DO ANYTHING ILLEGAL. We know it sounds stupid, but hey, it may save your life. And why would you want to do anything illegal? This country allows you to do a lot of cool things that are lawful, so why are you going to be all like, WHATEVER, and NOT follow the rules? Like, we know if you go to a party these days, there's going to be DRINKING and DRUGS, like we said. And if you go to the party, and you still like hanging with those friends even though they're SINNERS, I mean, you make your OWN decisions. But we're just telling you, DON'T DO DRUGS and DON'T DRINK unless you are twenty-one! That's the LAW. And anyway, all drugs do is HURT people and sometimes KILL. And drinking underage can get you in MAJOR trouble. It can also hurt people and KILL people too. So just don't do it! You don't have to do that stuff to have a good time! You go to roller rinks don't you? Of course! Is there drinking and drugs there?
...that's what I THOUGHT! So just stay away from the bad things.
Number Three:
SEX IS SERIOUS. Sex is a really weird subject, and like a few years ago? My Mom couldn't even TALK to us about sex. But then, when we turned eighteen, I guess it just had to happen anyway. I mean, like Mom says: sex before marriage is WRONG but there is sin EVERYWHERE and you just gotta know how to deal with it. And we know, it's hard to say NO sometimes if you're with someone you love. You want to have sex with them because you DO love them. And that's COOL, but you just have to be careful. But NOT with strangers, girls! NO! Even if the CUTEST boy on the PLANET came up to you and wanted to have sex with you, you just have to say NO! I know it's hard because like WHEN does a cute boy ever ask you out? It's always those four eyed DORKS who have like no lives and play on-line video games ALL the TIME! -LOOSERSSS!!!! Stay away from them COMPLETELY girls! Yeesh! But anyway, in conclusion, when you have sex, be SAFE and make sure if you're a boy that you're wearing a condom and if you're a girl, that you're on the pill or you're using another form of contraceptive. It's just the way things HAVE to BE. There are all kinds of DISEASES that are totally BAD out there and you have to protect yourself!!
Number Four:
DON'T TALK TO STRANGERS ON-LINE. We know sometimes it's cool to be on-line. I mean, hey, we meet cool people ALL THE TIME on the Internet. But, you gotta be CAREFUL because like we said, there are all kinds of WEIRD GEEKS out there who are trying to HURT you. And they play on-line video games all day long and smoke and drink and do drugs and are EVIL. To protect yourself from these TERRORISTS, just DON'T TALK TO THEM! We can't even begin to tell you how many Instant Messages we get from WEIRDOS who are just trying to have sex with us or something, and we just don't even repsond. DON'T GET INVOLVED WITH THAT, GIRLS!!!!! Even if a boy sends you a picture and he's really CUTE and he seems totally COOL--he could be pretending! And he could really be a GEEK! And a TERRORIST! We are so afraid of terrorists, and my dad hates it when we bring up the subject because he gets REAL frustrated and sad, and we're just like, "It's okay, Daddy, aren't we winning the war on terrorism?" And he's like, "Yeah, but we still have a lot of work to do." Our dad is so cool. Anyway, stay away from those weirdos, and just stick to talking to your friends on-line and going to cool web sites like the Disney channel web site or cool magazines like Entertainment Weekly so you can catch up on all the popular topics in the news!
Number Five:
GO SHOPPING. When we're stressed, we SHOP. And when you shop, you can forget about all your worries. All those stupid stressful things like WORK, SCHOOL, TERRORISTS and GEEKS all can leave your mind if you're in a store buying stuff. Like clothing? I mean, we're all about fashion, and we always try to keep up with every trend we can! So when we go out, we are in STYLE and we make boys go CRAZY! Shopping is where you can also meet cool people sometimes. Like this one time we were shopping for bras (Jenna likes Victoria Secret!!!) and we were all like embarassed because it's so weird shopping for bras and Mom says that girls shouldn't really do it. But sometimes we just have to have FUN. But anyway, we met this awesome girl named Carol who showed us around and gave us a free sample of a really pretty smelling perfume. She was so excited to meet us too, that she even gave us a discount on the bra that Jenna bought! So it was sooo cool. And we also went to Express and Jenna bought a cool pair of jeans that are just like STUNNING. When we go out, boys usually stare at Barbara (or Barbie as Jenna likes to call her), but like Barbara knows that some are looking at her--and it's because of these JEANS!
EAT RIGHT AND EXERCISE. Eating right is so important. Like raw vegetables and fruit are ESSENTIAL. And you feel so much better. Barbara just started eating better and she is feeling SO good about herself. Eating like cucumbers, and pears, and multi-grain bread, is what you need for a healthy diet. And you need to exercise too! We like to run a lot, but we can't tell you where we go because it's all like UNDER SECURITY or whatever. But it's so fun. And we also like to SWIM. We have this private pool that is so awesome. We swim all the TIME. And this summer we went to the beach, and Jenna met this awesome boy named Cody? But he like lived in Oregon or something so it was a bust. But she was still all having fun with him and feeling good because she eats RIGHT. And YOU should too! It helps you sleep at night as well. So come on! It's easy! Just start by getting rid of those potato chips and cakes! EWW! Come on! You know you can eat better than THAT!
Number Six:
JUST BE YOURSELF. Always be yourself. Never try to be anyone else. We know self esteem is hard for anyone our age or younger. But when you get older, you get more assured of yourself. We PROMISE. So, even if you start dressing better, eating better, and you're not drinking and stuff, but you still feel bad? Well DON'T because you're an AWESOME person and you have POTENTIAL. And if you're eating right and exercising and you're not sinning, you should feel good. If you don't, we like to read the Bible when we're feeling bad, so you should TOO. The Bible is an awesome book to read when you don't feel good. It's like chicken soup!
So there you go, guys and girls. We're just trying to get everyone to feel better about themselves in this amazing country we live in. Remember: we are champions of freedom, and we are better than any other country out there! Why else would we be called a SUPER POWER!!!
Go out there and smile, and be proud!!!
Support our troops
We were out at lunch with Dad a few days ago and he was with his advisors like Donald Rumsfeld and you know? A lot of people are like Donald Rumsfeld? BORING!! But he's actually pretty cool. And he treats us real nice. He likes to give us candy sometimes like out of nowhere! Sometimes we'll just be like, "Hey," and he'll be like, "Here," and he'll open up his hand and there's like Gobstoppers and Runts and those twisty pack sweet tarts! And we just are so excited! But he's totally cool, and he is sooooo SMART.
So they were talking all about what to do in Iraq, and how should we handle Saudi Arabia and Iran, and that we think that those two countries aren't posing the threat that everyone thinks they are. And Dad just got real quiet, and Don was like, "What's wrong?" And Dad was just like, "I hate seeing our troops die, and I hate the fact that we are getting so much heat from people, our good people, here in this country, that they don't support the war." And we started to cry because we were like, "Yeah. Everyone should support the troops!" And Don was SO nice, he put his hand on our shoulder and was just like, "Don't worry. Those people who don't support our troops won't be here much longer." And we didn't like know what that meant really, but we felt better. He really took care of us, and Dad too. Dad gets real vulnerable sometimes and Don is always there to make him feel better.
So, you guys, everyone, should support our troops. I mean, we're really getting like tired of hearing all this stuff about where the weapons of mass destruction were and things like that because duh! Look at all the vans and stuff they had! They were probably full of chemical and nuclear weapons! Sheesh! What more do these people want to see!? Those troops out there are dying for our freedom, and we should all be behind them, and we should all support this war, which is like, over, but there's still this big huge struggle going on. And no one is helping by complaining about it! We just want it all to go away, too, but it just won't. Dad told us that we should still have fun and stuff, but we just had to say to everyone who is like mean and stuff toward Dad and the war effort and everything...just STOP BEING SO NEGATIVE! This is such a great country! Take pride in it!
But enough about politcs! We don't want to bore anyone here! This is about having FUN.
So where have we BEEN?
Yeah. So like, we know we haven't really been out in the news a whole lot lately. But that's cool because we don't really want to be in the spotlight. We think that having fun with each other and hanging out with our friends is cool enough. We have a lot of sleep overs still with our girlfriends at the White House. Fridays we go ALL out, and say "To Heck" with our diet and we eat pizza, and drink soda and watch scary movies all night long. We just watched Final Destination 2 which totally ROCKED!! We don't get to see a whole lot of movies, though, because we're all so busy during the week. Even though we're not in the spotlight, we like to do a lot of things for people. We help out at some soup kitchens down the street, and Dad got us involved with a really cool job working with some poor people who used to own this big huge business in Texas, we don't remember the name of it, but it was like, it had to do with energy. We're not too into business so we just trust Dad--he's helping us out anyway! DUH!! We also sometimes help out this one really AWESOME Christian boy band called 4Spirit. There's Tommy, Abel, Gabe, and J.C. (Barbara has a secret crush on J.C.!) and they are so amazing! They have this one song called "I Love an Angel 4 Ever", and it's SOO beautiful. We just helped them on their East Coast tour, and soon they'll be heading out to Europe. They're going to be big, we know it!
We get to watch movies and stuff, too. Like we just saw Seabiscuit which was SO sad but like SO inspiring too. Because horses are like people. They're competetive and they like to have relationships. And speaking of relationships, NO, we won't tell you if we're in a relationship or not, but we definitely like BOYS!!! Now that the summer's over, we'll get to meet more of them because of school, too! And because we're so privileged we'll get to meet the cutest AND smartest boys around. We can't wait!
Well, we hope you take into consideration what we've said. We'll definitely be on the road soon and YOU'RE INVITED to read all about our adventures.
Lots of love!
Jenna and Barbie

Barbara (Barbie!) and Jenna Bush have been out of CONTROL going MAD happy over their newest adventures! And now YOU can join them!
The NEW Adventures of Barbie & Jenna Bush
"The Case of the Stolen Heart Bracelet"
Dear diary,
Once again, Jenna is going crazy over here. I feel like I say this all the time, but I mean, this is for real. This girl cannot stop thinking about this boy she likes named Aaron. He's this big hit singer and his older brother Nick used to be part of this rul popular boy group. She won't stop talking about him, and she wants to call him all the time. But I'm like, 'Hey, we're the presidents' daughters, we can get any boy we want!'. Easy for me to say, I guess, because I haven't had any problems with boys lately. My boyfriend, Carl, I mean, we have our differences, but we're both Christian and we love "The Gilmore Girls". So we have a lot in common. But Jenna has always been the outsider. So like, I feel pressured to help her out? But what am I supposed to do? Aaron doesn't know she likes him! And what if he found out by like someone telling him and he didn't like her back? She'd be soo embarassed! Carl came up with this awesome idea to take Jenna's beloved heart bracelet while we're all hanging out with Aaron,, leave it at Aaron's, and then she'll have to go back and get it which will give her an opportunity to have an intimate encounter with him! Sounds like a great idea, right?
WRONG!!!! It's been STOLEN!!! We don't know who did it or why. But trust me, we are going to get to the bottom of it! Well, at least I will, because Jenna's not even supposed to know about the whole thing! Diary I am so confused! Thank God for Carl, though. He really helps me out.
Barbie <3

Jenna & Barbie

"Barbie, where is it!?" Jenna screamed as she pulled out more clothes from her hope chest. "I can't believe my bracelet is just gone!"
I was freaking out, too, though. I mean, what was going on here? This wasn't the way it was supposed to be happening! I tried to keep calm, so I approached Jenna, and put a soft hand on her gentle, blond hair. "It'll be okay, just pray," I said.
"That's easy for you to say, you never lose anything!" Jenna yelled, and stood up, red in the face, then pushed me out of the way. Sometimes being a twin sister is NOT fun!
After Jenna left the room, I sat on my bed, and just thought to myself, "Okay Barbara, just deal. We'll find the bracelet one way or another."
Just then Mom came in the room. "Honey, what's wrong?" she asked. She was always so compassionate.
"Jenna lost her heart bracelet," I said, with my head down.
"Oh," she said. "Well, I'm sure it'll turn up if you pray on it real hard," she assured me.
"That's what I told her," I said. "Sometimes I think God hates me," I blurted.
"Now don't say that! God doesn't hate anyone. Only mankind and the devil hate."
"I guess you're right," I said. I sighed. Then the phone rang. I hoped it was Carl!
My Mom kissed me on the forehead, and then she left the room. She was so sweet. I turned over on my bed and grabbed the phone. "Hello?" I said.
"Mister President!" yelled some weird old man's voice.
"Who?" I said.
"Oh! I'm sorry Barbara I called the wrong number!" said the voice. Now I knew who it was.
"You sure did, Dick! What made you call this number?" I said. Dad's vice president was such a goof!
"I must've dialed too fast again! I really need to stop using phones and just go over there myself!" he laughed.
I burst into laughter. "Mister Cheney, I could get you in trouble if you keep calling here!"
"Oh, you little girls, you get into so much trouble already," he joked. "Well, I'll just hang up now."
I shook my head and laughed. "Bye, Dick," I said, and he hung up.
I stood up, and felt that I should really do something about the bracelet. After all, it was the key to my plan.
* * *
"Jenna's bracelet is missing," I said to Carl,as we strolled through the East Wing. I wanted to hold his hand, but I didn't know if he'd freak so I just kept it to myself.
"Oh, man," Carl said, frowning. Then, he tried to smile and perked up. "Well, did you pray?"
"Of course I did," I said earnestly. "I just think we should also look for it, you know?"
"If it's God's will," he replied. I agreed, but like, what if we never found it? I didn't think it'd be God's will to not help out my sister in the ways of love. I mean, she loved Aaron. Wouldn't God want to see them happy like he sees me and Carl happy?
I decided to write about all of this in my journal later, and Carl and I were silent the rest of the day. We just walked around, until finally it was dinner time.
* * *
Dad arrived late to dinner, which wasn't a big deal, but my sister and I were really missing him. He hadn't been around lately, and it was always cool when he was there. Carl was going to stay, but his mom didn't want him out late. We promised we'd call each other later, and I promised myself that after dinner I would look for the bracelet, and start asking people if they'd seen it.
Dinner was cool because it was steak and mashed potatoes which was like my favorite. Dad thought I needed more "meat" on me, he joked, because of my sister. I guess he wanted to even things out! LOL!
"Hey, how are you girls?" Dad asked bluntly after Grace. "Staying out of trouble?" he winked.
"Duh!" I said, laughing. But Jenna wasn't laughing. I could tell she was really hurting inside. Dad didn't notice, but I did.
"Can I be excused?" Jenna said.
"Excused? But you hardly touched your steak. You're usually finished before Barbara here," Dad said.

"I know, I just don't feel too well," Jenna said, touching her forehead. Mom looked worried.
"Honey, do you have a fever? Let me check," Mom said, but Jenna stopped her.

"No, it's nothing really, I think I'm going to just lay down for a while," Jenna said and tried to smile, but didn't do a very good job of it. I knew what was wrong. And I knew I had to find that bracelet. It was so frustrating!
Jenna got up, and left. Dad turned to me, concerned. "Is everything okay? Jenna usually doesn't do this," he said.
"I think she's just..." I stopped myself. I couldn't tell Dad or Mom about the bracelet or Jenna's feelings about Aaron because they might not understand, and think she is sinful. I tried to think of what to say. "I think she's just tired, we have been up all night a lot lately," I said, sighing in relief that I could come up with something that quick.
Dad sat back and sighed. "Well, maybe I'll have to get the Secret Service on that, make sure you girls get your rest," he said. Then he winked again.
"Dad!" I yelled.
He laughed, and then Mom laughed. We finished our dinner talking about what Dad was getting accomplished, and left the Jenna situation alone.
But I couldn't help wondering about it. That night I made a decision: I would spend all day looking for that bracelet if I had to.
Terry was not just one of the cooks, she was a good friend. When I told her about the bracelet, she dropped everything she was doing and helped me look. We had to trace back my steps. I had the bracelet last. I was showing Carl the bracelet while telling him of the plan. I had taken it from Jenna's hope chest. After that, I put it on her bed, and Carl and I left the room. After a few hours, Carl left and I went back upstairs. When I looked on her bed, it was gone! Then Jenna came back from her playdate with Aaron, and she saw it was gone, and then freaked out!
Terry was very understanding. She was an older lady, probably could have been old enough to be my grandmother, but she was sweet and RUL trustworthy. I knew I could tell her anything. She could also make the best chicken pot pie ever.
We started looking in the East Room, which was a big huge ballroom that we'd use for parties and banquets. But after like hours of searching, we decided it wasn't there.
"Are you sure you didn't take the bracelet anywhere else?" Terry asked.
"Yus!" I said, frustrated. I couldn't believe the bracelet was gone. Jenna was given it for her seventh birthday, and since then she's been in love with it. Mom gave it to her. I think it was Mom's before, and she was like, passing it on. "I swear I left it on the bed!"
Terry gasped. "What did you say?"
"Omigosh!" I blurted. I didn't realize I had just sinned. "I mean, I know I left it on the bed!"
Terry nodded approvingly, then we moved on to another part of the East Wing.
As we walked down a corridor, we passed a few people that were holding important papers, and I guess I wasn't really paying attention, because as I was passing someone, Terry grabbed me suddenly! I was about to run right into Tom Ridge!
"Hey, watch it there girl!" he chided. I was so embarassed I was red in the face.
"Sorry Mister Ridge!" I yelped, still trying to deal. Okay, Barbie, just calm down. Sheesh! Finally I did. Tom looked at me with a funny smirk, then he winked and patted me on the shoulder, and started to walk away. Before he did though, something was weird. When he patted me on the shoulder, something slid down his sleeve to his wrist. It was shiny, and looked like some kind of bracelet. Before I could think about it, Terry laughed, and nudged me on my arm.
"Isn't he a little old for you dear?" she said, laughing. I shook my head in disbelief.
"What?!? Ew! Gross!" I said as we started walking. "No way!" Something was weird about the bracelet though. I never noticed Tom have one before.
I decided that I was going to investigate--but later because first, we had to make sure the bracelet was really missing.
After searching through our room for the gazillianth time (seriously!), I realized the bracelet wasn't missing. Someone had taken it. And I thought about Tom Ridge, but then I was like, "uhh, why would the guy who ran our Homeland Security steal, first of all?" And, "why would he steal Jenna's heart bracelet?"
Well, as I was thinking about it, Carl, Jenna, and our friends Morgan and Travis were all eating a really cool lunch, and I had to just bite my lip whenever something about John Ashcroft or Aaron or the heart bracelet came into my mind.
"So like, is that sandwich cool?" Morgan said. She was super cool. She wore rad cherry pink eyeliner and traveler's check green nail polish.
"It's really cool," Jenna said, wiping some honey mustard sauce from her lip politely. She totally wanted to impress Morgan with her really good manners because Morgan was really into that. I was hoping Jenna would do all right. But Morgan wasn't looking too confident about Jenna's skills. She hadn't even used her napkin yet!
"I love these corn chips," Carl said. He always knew what to say when things got awkward. That's just another reason to love him, I thought to myself and smiled. "What's up, lovely?" he asked me.
I blushed. "I like corn chips too," I said, my lips quivering. I was so nervous, like about everything! Even though Carl could calm me down, I was still sometimes intimidated by how great a guy he was. "I really like the ones that have sour cream and onion."
"I know, that's one of the best combinations ever," Carl said.
"You're so smart, Carl," Morgan said. I looked over at her, and she had this weird look on her face. Like, wait--he's my boyfriend, Morgan knew that, right?
"Thanks, Morgan," Carl said politely. A little too politely. But I wasn't going to let it get me down. I was trying not to stress about things--and it wasn't easy with all this!
"Let's talk about something else," I said. "I want to talk about my new new membership to Express, it is such a good store."
"Good idea," Carl said, and touched my arm gently. I smiled. He really was mine. He really did love me.
And so we changed the subject.
* * *
After lunch, I pulled Carl away from the group because we had to talk about this whole thing. "Carl! I don't think the heart bracelet is missing!"

"Oh, good!" Carl said excitedly.
"No! I mean, I think it's been stolen!" I yelled. We were away in a corridor, so I didn't think anyone would hear us talk about it--especially not Jenna.

"Stolen? But who would steal it?" Carl asked.
"I don't know, but like, we're supposed to meet with Aaron this Friday, and that's like two days away! And we've got school and everything...this is all horrible!" I said. Carl put his hands on my shoulder, and smiled confidently.
"Come on, Barbara, we'll find it. No one would steal a heart bracelet, especially if they knew it belonged to Jenna," he said.
Just then, Donald Rumsfeld came along, accompanied by John Ashcroft and Tom Ridge. I had to force a smile to them as they passed. Carl greeted them politely. "Hello, sirs," he said.
"Hey Carl!" Donald greeted happily, shaking Carl's hand. John asmiled at us. Tom just passed us both, sort of not looking at us.
I grabbed Carl's arm and pointed at Tom's sleeve. Carl could see it. A tint of gold on his wrist. He turned to me.
"What?" he said.
"Don't you see! Didn't you see!?" I yelled.
"See what?"
"Didn't you see what was on his wrist!" I shrieked, hoping I wasn't being too loud.
"I think he's wearing a bracelet," Carl said, shrugging.
"Yeah, a heart bracelet!" I said.
"Barbara!" Carl said loudly. I shuddered a little. Carl had a very intimidating voice when he raised it. "Why would you say that? Why would Tom Ridge steal Jenna's heart bracelet?"
"I know, I know it's weird, I thought the same thing--but you've got to believe me, Carl, you're the only one who can!" I pleaded.
"Barbara, no, you're being silly. Tom Ridge is the reason we haven't had a terrorist attack since September eleventh, and he wouldn't do anything sinful like stealing. Come on. Maybe it really is missing, I'll help you look for it--"
"No. Carl! I saw it on his wrist when we ran into each other earlier! Come on, please! Please, help me!" I was begging! I was nearly on my knees!
Carl sighed, and shrugged. He put a hand on my shoulder, and nodded. "All right," he said. "Let's go talk to him."
"No! We can't do that! He's probably going to see my dad about the uranium they found in Iraq. Or at least, they said they found it in Iraq. Or something. What-ever. We can't just go up to him...I've got a plan."
I raised my eyebrows, and smiled rul slyly, and Carl took my hand. "Lead the way," he said.
The one thing I knew about Dad and his meetings were that he always kept the door open for me and Jenna, no matter what. He said he wasn't allowed to do that, but he'd make an exception since we are his most beloved possessions in his life. Isn't that sweet? Our Dad rocks.
Tom, Don, and John were all in the oval office as expected. Nancy, one of Dad's assistants, told us they were in an important meeting and not to be disturbed. But I knew Dad better than that. But I had to practically drag Carl to Dad's office because he was afraid we'd be in trouble or something if we were caught. Boys are so silly, aren't they?
Just as we were about to make our break though, someone tapped me on the shoulder from behind. I wasn't in the mood to be stopped by another one of Dad's assistant, but this was a different, heart-stopping voice.
"Hey," said the voice. I turned around. It was Jenna. And she looked sad.
"Hi Jenna, what's up?" I said. Carl stood behind me, looking into the oval office.
"Going to see Dad?" she asked. I just realized that Jenna and I hadn't talked in a while. And she was probably going in to talk to Dad. I sighed.
"Yeah, just for a sec," I said. "Hey, you wanna come with me and Carl later to the Smithsonian?"
"Nah," she said quietly. "I was just going to see if Dad was busy or something. I guess he is. I'll just go to my room."
She walked away, sulking. I turned to Carl. "Carl, we have to do this! Don't you see! It's like ruining her life!"
"Okay. I have an idea!" Carl said. "I'll create a diversion, and then you sneak inside. That way, Nancy or anybody else won't stand in the way!"
"Carl, you are soo smart!" I said, smiling. I wanted to grab him and hold him ril tight, but we hadn't reached that part in our relationship yet. So I shook his hand warmly, and he smiled confidently.
"Okay, here goes," he said. Then he went up to Anne and Nancy, and started to pretend to flirt with them. They were older women, and always thought Carl was a nice boy--so they talked to him. I nodded to myself, and then made my way to the oval office.
* * *
"...and second of all, we need to discuss the priority of airport security, and whether they should be allowed to carry firearms," Tom Ridge was saying to Dad, while I was sneaking into the room. The door creaked a little bit. Not a whole lot--but just enough for everyone to turn around!
John Ashcroft jumped a little, and Dad stood up.
"What's going on?" Tom Ridge said. I think he was nervous. "No one is allowed in here during--"

"It's okay Tom," Dad said. He looked at me and smiled. "What is it, dear? Daddy's having a meeting."
"Sorry, Dad, sorry everyone," I said, "um, Dad, I was just uh," I couldn't think! What was I going to say! I thought I had this all planned out--but now I couldn't do anything! I totally froze! "Um, what is...the...time?"
"Aw, shucks I forgot my watch," Dad said. "Anybody here have a watch on?" he said. Don and John looked at each other, and Don was reaching for his wrist watch and I looked over at Tom who wasn't doing anything.
"Tom has a watch!" I blurted. Everyone looked at me. Then they looked at Tom.
"Tom?" Dad said.
"Er, no, sir, no Mister President I don't have a watch," he said. I furrowed my brow, and was like, confused.
"But you have something on your wrist," I said, approaching Tom. "I saw it, it was gold, wasn't that a watch?"
Tom tugged his sleeve over his wrist. "No, no it wasn't."

"I have the time," Donald said, "it's three thirty, dear."
"There you go," Dad said. "Anything else? I'm sorry honey, Daddy's very busy."
"Very busy," Tom echoed. I looked over at him, and he wouldn't make eye contact with me. Now I knew something was up.
"No," I said, "thank you," I said to Donald, then I turned to John and Dad, "bye, guys," and then I turned to Tom who still wouldn't look at me, "bye, Tom."

"Yes," he said quietly.
I left the room, and Dad continued his business. But it was okay, now I knew Tom Ridge had stolen Jenna's bracelet. The only problem was--how was I going to get it from him? And prove he took it? This was going to take some serious thinking.
* * *
"So, how did it go?" Carl said as I came out of the room. I looked at him, a bit frustrated.
"I'm sure Tom took it, Carl, and I don't know what to do," I said.
"How are you sure?" Carl said as we were leaving the wing.
"I just know," I said, "you've got to trust me, Carl, we have to get it back--but I don't know how."
"Well, when do you think their meeting's going to be over?" Carl said.
"I don't know, it sounded rul serious," I said. Then, I put my hand in his. He suddenly broke away, holding his hand as if I had hurt him.
"What are you doing?" he said suddenly.
"I want to hold your hand, that's all," I said.
"Barbara, I don't know if I'm ready for that," he said. He looked away, and it was suddenly an awkward moment. I thought Carl loved me. Why wouldn't he let me take his hand?
"I'm sorry, Carl, I just wanted to show my affection," I said. I was so confused.
"I know, but we have to take things slow," Carl said. "Here," he said, and held out his hand. He smiled broadly. He wanted me to shake his hand.
I know it sounds sinful, but I was honestly getting tired of doing that--I really wanted to take it to the next level. But he looked like he really wanted to shake my hand, and so I did. But you know what? It didn't even feel that good this time. It didn't feel right.
"Come on," he said, "let's go think of something."
Even though I was relieved he changed the subject back to more important matters, I still wasn't over the whole thing yet. But! I'd have to think of that later. Jenna's bracelet was at stake!
* * *
Carl and I went back to my room, and decided to figure out a way to find out if Tom Ridge had actually stolen the bracelet.
"How could he have stolen it?" Carl asked, sitting on my bed. I couldn't sit. I was pacing around the room. "Does he even have access to this room?"
"Maybe Mom let him in or something. She does that sometimes, it makes us so mad because we're like...hello? Mom? This is our room, we need our privacy."
"Okay," Carl said, "let's say your mother did let him in, where was the bracelet again?"
"Well, it would have been easy to take. It was sitting right on Jenna's bed," I said. We looked over at Jenna's bed, and I sighed. This wasn't going to work. We'd never figure out how to pin point Tom Ridge. And what if it wasn't him?
"We could ask your mother if she's let anybody in this room lately," Carl said. Just then, Jenna walked in the room, and laid down on her bed. Her face was red and puffy.
"Hi, guys," she said softly. She began to weep, and Carl stood up.
"I'd better go," he whispered, and then stuck out his hand again. This time I wouldn't hesitate. I shook his hand firmly, and he nodded.
"Bye, Jenna," he said to her, and then left the room.
I went over to Jenna and sat at the foot of her bed. I put a hand on her back, and started to console her. She looked over at me, and tried to smile. I felt so bad for her.
"Thanks, Barbara," she said, all choked up. I tried not to cry, because whenever Jenna cried, it was so infectious, I would start to cry too.
"It's okay, Jenna," I said.
"Tomorrow's Friday," she said. "It's so hopeless. Aaron's coming over and I don't have my bracelet. I feel so...I feel so lost without it, you know?"

"It'll turn up," I said, trying to sound convincing. But I was starting to think it was hopeless, too.
"Can I be alone for a little while, Barbara? Do you mind?" she said, still softly weeping.
"Sure," I said. "We'll talk later though, right?"

"Uh-huh," Jenna said. I leaned in and gave her a big hug, but not the kind that are like "omigosh get off me you're squeezing too tight!", it was more like a teddy-bear like hug, like an affectionate one. I had just realized Carl had never hugged me.
"Okay, well, just try not to think about it right now," I said, and got up. I left the room, and I was on a mission.
My first stop: Mom. She'd let me know if she let anybody in this room. Because no one else was really allowed to.
* * *
Mom was talking with some agriculture people when I stopped by to see her. She had held up her index finger to let me know she'd be with me soon. After she finished talking, she came up to me, smiling.
"What is it honey?" she said.
"Mom," I began, taking a deep breath. I didn't want to sound angry or mean or like I was accusing anyone, "have you let anyone into our room lately?"
"What on earth?" Mom said. "Of course not, we never let anyone into your room. Why?"
"Because..." I paused--should I let Mom know the truth? "Because Jenna's heart bracelet is missing, and we had left it on her bed. And now it's gone," I said RUL fast. I had hoped she heard it all.
She did. Because after I finished talking, her hand was over her mouth, and she looked like she was going to freak. "Missing? Well, of course I haven't let anyone in that room! Why would I do that?"
"I know, I know, I shouldn't have asked, I'm sorry, Mom," I said sadly. But Mom was totally understandig. She put an arm around me.
"I'm sure it will turn up," she said, then added, "so that's why your sister has been acting so strangely?"
"Yeah," I said. "She's been ril tired and doesn't want to talk ever. It's upsetting."
"Have you checked around the house?" Mom asked.
"Mom, I've looked everywhere. I feel like it's hopeless, totally hopeless," I sighed.
"Now, there there, don't worry, I'm sure you and your sister, if you look really hard, will find the heart bracelet. And remember, it's not just dear to your sister, it's dear to me as well!"
"You're right," I said, perking up. "Tomorrow, me and Jenna are just going to go crazy mad and look all over for it!"
"Good idea!" Mom said. "And remember, your mother would never let anyone into this room. If not for your privacy, at least for your security." She hugged me, then left.
Hm. Security? I wondered what that meant. Oh well, it was time for bed. I was so tired I felt like I could fall asleep right where I was standing!
OK. Twin Sister Secret Rule Number 1: Don't let your sister know what you're thinking. If she finds out anything, it's going to be a mess! There was no way Jenna was going to know what was going on in my head that morning as we sat down to breakfast. Dad was being real quiet and so was Mom, and Jenna looked depressed. I looked at Mom and she gave me a reassuring smile, so I calmed down. But I knew I had a long day ahead of me. It was Friday! And I had to find Jenna's heart bracelet! But Aaron was coming over and I wanted Jenna to be happy about it! She didn't look happy. She looked down in the dumps.
"Are you okay sweetie?" Mom asked Jenna. Jenna just played with her food and shrugged. Dad looked up, and tried to give her a smile.
"Hey, it'll be okay," he said. But it didn't help. Jenna just sat there and looked ril sad.
"How're things with you, dear?" Mom asked Dad. Jeez, I felt so selfish. I hadn't even stopped to think about Dad.
"Oh well, you know, it's slow going, those Democrats won't get off my back; plus, we have to continue this situation in's tough," Dad said.
"Oh, the Democrats," Mom said. I agreed. I didn't know many of them, but they were always giving my dad a hard time. It wasn't fair.
"Well, pretty soon they might end up on my list for the Axis of Evil," he said, winking. Then he laughed. But we didn't--it wasn't a time for laughing I guess.
Jenna looked up at me, I guess she thought I was going to laugh. She gave me this real weird look when I didn't. Oh no, I thought, she's trying to read my thoughts! I suddenly burst out laughing.
"That was funny, Dad!" I said, and he smiled at me.
Jenna looked back down at her food, and I breathed a sigh of relief. No way was she going to know that today I was going to Tom Ridge's office and do whatever it took to get the bracelet back.
* * *

OK. Twin Sister Rule Number 2: Don't tell Mom and Dad anything that you think will get back to your sister anytime soon.
When breakfast was over, Jenna went to her room to call a friend. I went straight for the West Wing, and Mom suddenly stopped me.
"Honey where are you going?" she said. "Today's Friday, isn't your friend coming over?"
"Yeah," I said, "but that's later. I forgot I had left some things in the West Wing yesterday that I just want to go get." I knew lying was a sin, but I had to this time. It was for everyone's own good.
"Well, I'd like for you to go see your sister sometime today, and cheer her up. She looks awfully down lately," Mom said.
"I will, this won't take long," I said, "don't worry, when Aaron gets here, I'm sure everything'll be swell."

Mom smiled, then she left. Whew, I thought. Now it was time to get some business done. Okay, it was definitely after ten o'clock in the morning, so Tom would be stopping by to see the President. But I knew that every Friday, he and John Ashcroft liked to play cards somewhere in the West Wing while there wasn't any banquet going on or anything. I made sure that no one was following me or anything.
Once I got through the tours and all, it was a pretty clear shot to the Wing, and I saw down the corridor that a door was being shut--I knew who it was. I had to go follow them! This could be it! I wasn't sure exactly what I was going to do yet, but I was on the trail.
I approached the door real quietly, and, biting my lower lip, I squeezed the door knob, then slowly turned it. Closing my eyes, I pushed the door open a crack, and leaned in. Guess what? I was right. It was John and Tom playing cards. But there was someone else there, too. Someone I didn't expect at all. My DAD!
"Hey, John, are you going to hit or what?" Dad said, smiling.
"Mister President, I think we need to talk about the uranium problem," Tom said, looking at his cards.
John gestured to take a card, and Dad gave him one from the pile.
"Okay," Dad said, turning to Tom, "we don't have much time though, the press'll want to know something soon. So tell me what you know."
Tom started saying all this RUL complicated stuff about the uranium in Iraq that I really didn't think was that important at the time--not that it wasn't important, but I had to think about other things--like what was I going to do about catching Tom with Jenna's heart bracelet?
"Well," Dad said, "looks like we may have to go into Baghdad again."
"We're still in Baghdad, sir," John Ashcroft said.

"Oh yeah," Dad said. "Well, we're going to have to tell the public--you're sure about all of this?"
"Yes, perfectly sure," Tom said.
"Sure?" Dad said.
"Perfectly," Tom repeated. Then, I knew I could catch him now! He was putting his hands to his face, and something shiny and gold slid down his wrist. It was the bracelet for sure!
I burst through the door and immediately went for Tom's wrist! I guess he saw me coming because he backed away and stood up, holding his hand. Dad and John both stood up as well, looking at me.
"Barbara what in the name of Gosh are you doing in here?" Dad yelled. I was so pumped with adrenaline, though, that I didn't even realize my dad was yelling at me!
"I knew you stole it!" I yelled at Tom, who was swatting me away with his hand. "Give it back! It's not yours!"

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Tom yelled. "Please, please stop!"
I wouldn't go away, though! Not now! Now that I had him! I grabbed his hand, and Dad and John dashed over and tried to grab me. But I swiftly moved away, and John ran right past me into the wall! Oh goodness, I thought, I'm gonna be in ril big trouble. But I didn't care anymore! I was tired of feeling so bad for my sister, and feeling so bad for myself, and Tom getting away with stealing! I twisted his arm, and he yelped! Then I looked at his wrist, and saw the bracelet. My eyes grew wide, my mouth dropped. Even though I knew he did it, I still couldn't believe it!
"This isn't it!!!!!" I yelled, probably the whole world could hear me. "I don't understand!"
"Looking for this?" John said, and I turned around. John was shaking his head, and Dad was helping him up. John was holding something in his hand. It was Jenna's heart bracelet!

"What's going on?" I demanded, stomping my foot.
"Well, Barbara dear, I think you've been a part of a very clever prank," Dad said, taking the bracelet from John and handing it to me."
"I don't understand," I said quietly. I was so lost for words, I could barely move my mouth!
"Thank you John, thank you Tom, you can meet me in the situation room later, we'll talk more about the North Korean threat," he said to them. Tom and John smiled at me, nodded to Dad, and left the room.
"Take care, Barbara!" they said as they left.
My dad waved to them, then turned back to me. He handed me the bracelet and smiled. "Now," he said, "do you know why we did this?"
"NO!" I yelled. "I think I'm gonna be sick..."
Dad suddenly dropped his smile and held me. "Are you all right?"

"Dad," I said, composing myself, "why did you do this? Is it like April Fool's Day or something?"
"Oh heck no, come on, sweetie," Dad said. "You know it's October." I nodded. DUH. "You see, John and I had noticed Jenna's crush on Aaron for some time, and after your mother and I discussed it, we decided it was a wholesome friendship, and we liked Aaron. Then we told Tom about it, and we all thought it was really special, a very special relationship. But then, your mother overheard you and your beau Carl talking about some kind of scheme that would undermine Jenna and Aaron's affection for each other--taking Jenna's bracelet, and making her worry."
"No, no we were going to give it to Aaron, and--"
"Barbara," Dad said evenly, "stealing is wrong. Plain and simple. You know that! Your mother and I have always taught that way. It is not God's way to steal. It is not God's way to lie. It's God's will that we must do right, and you didn't. Now, what do you have to say?"

"I'm sorry," I pouted. I was feeling ril stupid.
"No, don't apologize to me," Dad said, "apologize to God."
"I'm sorry, God," I said softly. I thought I was going to cry.
"Good," Dad said, and touched my chin. "Now, come on, dear, it's all right now. You think your old Daddy would make you cry?" he made a goofy face, and I laughed. Dad was so good at doing that! "Let's go, I believe Aaron is coming soon!"
"Okay," I said, finally smiling.
We started walking out of the room. He put his arm around my shoulder, comforting me. "Dad," I said.
"Yes honey?" he said.
"So, what are you going to do about all that uranium stuff in Iraq?" I asked.
He threw his head back and laughed. "Oh, I'm afraid that was part of our little prank on you," he said, "there's no uranium in Iraq, Tom came up with that one!" he laughed.
"So you lied too!" I said, injecting a finger into his stomach.
Dad made a funny face. "You got me!" he said brightly.
I couldn't keep a straight face. I burst into laughter! "You're so funny, Daddy!" I said. He took my shoulder, and we left the room, laughing with each other. Dad was a ril cool
OK. Twin Sister Rule Number 3: Make sure sister and her love interest fall in love with the help of your scheme. I had the heart bracelet. I knew where to find Aaron and Jenna, and I also knew that continuing the scheme was risky because Aaron was already here, and they might already have met up, and what if Jenna just walked away, back up to her room? I couldn't have that! Not after all I had been through that week. I also knew that our friends Morgan and Travis were here, and Carl was somewhere too. I went looking for all of them, holding the heart bracelet close to me.
I saw Terry walking past me as I walked along the corridor, approaching the main building. She smiled, and I went up to her. "Terry, have you seen Jenna and Aaron?"
She smiled, and pointed to the East Room. I looked at her, confused. "What're they doing in there?" I said.
"Just go on ahead, and see for yourself!" she said, smiling. Then she walked off, I guess to go back to her cooking.
I was so confused. But I went to the East Room anyway, wondering what could have Terry meant--and why would everyone be in that room?
As I went inside, though, I understood immediately, and I was so shocked! Ril pretty music was playing, there was this live orchestra! And in the middle of the room was everyone dancing! Jenna, Aaron, Travis, Morgan, Carl, and Mom and Dad! And the ones that really got me--Tom Ridge, John Ashcroft, Dick Cheney, and Donald Rumsfeld! All with White House staff!
With my mouth agape, I approached Mom, who was dancing with Dad delightfully.
"Mom! What is going on?" I said.
"Well, look around you, dear, it looks like a little party!" she said, and Dad dipped her, and then swung her back up, kissing her. She giggled, and blushed. "Oh, George!"
"Why don't you go find Carl? I'm sure he's missing you," Dad said.
"When did you plan all of this?" I said.
"Oh, that's just a little secret you'll have to live with," Dad said, and went back to dancing with Mom.
I was shaking my head, I couldn't believe it! It was so beautiful! I thought I was going to cry! Just then, a hand touched me from behind. I turned around. It was Carl! I smiled, and I stuck my hand out to shake, thinking he would just shake my hand like normal. But he didn't! He pushed my hand away, and grabbed me, and held me RUL close!
"Hi," he said into my ear.
"Hi," I whispered softly. I was so taken by the moment, I really thought I was going to lose it.
The music stopped for a moment, and Carl took my hands, to position me for a slow dance. Just as the music started up again, we started dancing, and found ourselves right next to Jenna and Aaron. Aaron was leading, and Jenna was talking to him, being ril affectionate and trying to get close. Aaron was swinging her slowly from side to side, totally touching her! I had to take the moment away, though, because I still had her heart bracelet.
"Hey, you!" I said to her, and she looked over, smiling. It was the first time I'd seen her smile all week! "I have something for you," I said.
"What is it?" she said. "Can you believe Mom and Dad did all this? I was so embarassed, but Aaron was so nice about it!"
"It's cool," he said. "I was just hoping I'd get a chance to dance with her!"
We laughed, and I pulled out Jenna's heart bracelet. Her jaw dropped, and she stopped dancing for a moment. I held the bracelet in front of her, and dropped it into her hands. She lifted up the glistenening bracelet, and then put it on her hand.
"My heart bracelet," she said, weakly. "Where did you find it?"
"Oh, let's just say," I said, pausing to look over at Dad. He winked at me, and went on dancing with Mom, "it wasn't in a place we'd ever think to look."
She smiled, and showed Aaron. He looked really impressed. "Cool bracelet," he said.

"I know," Jenna said. "It was my mother's. She gave it to me on my seventh birthday. I thought I had lost it..."
"Well," he said, beginning to lead her in dancing again, "I can't wait to hear all about it."
They danced away, and so did the rest of us. It was truly a beautiful day. And it was Friday! So we were allowed to stay out late, and just hang out, do whatever! Be young! And have fun! It was the greatest day ever!
* * *
Well, that was that. Right? That night, we all had a sleepover, and played Trivial Pursuit, the Friends edition, and watched some TV, too. As for Jenna and Aaron, well, let's say they're still friends, but they're definitely thinking about taking it to the next level. Isn't that exciting? Carl and I shared a wonderful night as well. He really showed me affection that I thought he would never ever get comfortable enough to show. We still have some things to work out, I guess, but it was such a great night, I didn't want to push it.
Morgan and Travis said they had a good time too--but something still bugs me about Morgan. She is always going on and on about Carl, and I'm like--hello? He's my boyfriend, get your own! I tried hooking her up with Travis, but she was like, Ew, gross! I thought that was mean because Travis is ril nice, he's just not that good looking. But, that's just me. Y'know?
Well, until next time, I guess. We sure had a great experience. And I really learned something about stealing--it always comes at a price. And it always leads to trouble. So don't steal! Or make some kind of scheme to steal! And don't ever lie, either! And always pray.
Barbie! <3

Dear Diary,
OK. Reality Quiz: Do I really love Carl? I sort of met this boy named Houston at a ril cool anti-terrorist rally, and he is so cute! But, like, I'm confused! I don't know what I should do. Carl is this great guy, with good looks, he's funny and he is so smart. And I do think I love him! But like, Houston is really cute, and really aware of like what goes on in the world, and he wants ME to hang out with HIM...EXCLUSIVELY! There's a carnival he wants to take me to this weekend! I want to tell someone...but I'm afraid! If I tell Jenna, will she judge me? Or will she understand? I know I can't tell Carl because he'll totally flip out! But I think Houston and I could be friends...even though I think I'm attracted to him! Just thinking about him, I get really excited whenever I see him--like the way I used to be with Carl. I don't know! it makes me RUL nervous. What should I do?
Barbie <3
"Boy Crazy"
An All-New Adventure
(c) 2003,